I often reflect on photography, what it means to me and why I dearly love it. I decided to share this on the blog because I’d love for you to know a bit more about me, my photographic style and vision in words, my heart. Usually my husband is the one subjected to these ramblings and he listens…until I start repeating the same thing 6 or 7 times and then he kindly pretends to listen, waiting for me to turn to paper. I’ve been a writer for a long time; I keep a personal journal that is hundreds of pages and I am pretty much obsessed with recording life. So when thoughts get all tangled up, repetitive because I can’t express what it is exactly that I’m trying to say – it’s time to “get down to it” and simply write.
My dear Lil firecracker,
Today I wanted to take your picture. You were more than happy to oblige but brought your own idea of creativity to our blink of a session. You looked away, turned to your left so the light didn’t fall on you the way I wanted it to. You rolled around on the floor and ignored all of my posing requests, laughing like crazy. The more I asked of you, the sillier you became. I felt an inner frustration, annoyance that I wasn’t going to get the image I had planned for. And yet, why was I surprised? You rarely pose for the camera. Still, I couldn’t help it. I felt that same old anxiety about missing out on this opportunity to capture you before you grow one more minute older.
Sure, some days it’s time to respectfully let go, shelve the camera for a bit, push aside the addiction, the obsession – let.it.go. I am capable of letting go (yes, I am…though I go down swinging) but today wasn’t one of those days. I could feel it. You were there, having fun, laughing the most beautiful laugh, your spark, spirit and energy filling up the room. And me? It was like I’d been given an ocean but had forgotten how to swim.
I held up the camera and asked you to put your hands neatly in your lap. They fluttered up to your cheeks instead, cupping that beautiful face. You looked at me giggling, defiance dancing in chocolate eyes. Click. THERE, right there – simply you. And like magic, I was swimming again.
Today you helped me clarify (for about the billionth time) why I love photography. My ‘vision’ requires an emotional connection and the ability to take in the beauty before me – to see, rather than search blindly for a mirage or what would be a falls-flat, falsified moment that never belonged to me in the first place. I need to thank you for the reminder that moments are not created by a puppet master, no matter how fancy the set, the props, the camera. Ultimately, they are stirred to life, roused into light. We become the awakened ones; life’s moments are real, ready to be cherished should we open our eyes and snatch the opportunity while owning the presence of mind to perchance preserve them. So, my Lil wild one, this is the story, however small, behind this image and I just wanted you to know it: You inspire me. I am so grateful for each moment…or split second as it may happen to be. You are mischief incarnate and I love you – just as you are – today, tomorrow, forever.
Always,
Mama
This image and letter was featured over on The Friendly Photographer (check them out!), a fabulous site for bringing together Canadian portrait artists!